I hadn't signed in for over a week as I've been really busy to-ing and fro-ing between work, home, and two different gentlemen. However, I wanted to let you know that I've been up to my neck in juggling responsibilities and alibis, and recently had to do some serious thinking.
The other day I was at work, after having snuck out the previous night to meet James briefly, before heading back to the house. I was desperate to keep my eyes open, but on my lunch break ended up falling asleep in our staff room, much to the amusement of everyone in the office. That evening Hubbey said I looked really tired, and seemed worried about me. Obviosuly there was no way I could tell him what was going on, so I said I had been feeling very under-the-weather, and I took the next day off work.
In bed the next day, I studiousy ate my chicken soup, and watched my RDA of made-for-televison movies. I realised that having an affair, although brilliant, can also be a serious strain on your health. And your time. Hubby wanted to take the day off work to look after me, but I think that would have pushed my guilt over the edge. So I took stock.
I am going to start treating Hubby better. He is a good man, not a monster, and despite his lack of passion, he is still the man I felll in love with. James gives me everything I need to stay happy. Together, they are the best relationship I've ever had. Rather than endagering myself and my happiess by running around like a randy schoolgirl, I need to start controlling the situation like an adult. What I am doing is a practical choice I have made to keep my marriage together, not a frivilous flirtation with chaos.
I wanted to thank all of those who commented on my last post. You woke me up. It's great to get advice from such intelligent, open-minded people. I really doesn't feel so sordid anymore.