Tuesday, 16 December 2008

This is not just a night in...

Hubby and I had an amazing evening last night. We curled up with a DVD and a bottle of wine. It was like an festive M&S advert. But with regional accents.

We are siblings really. I have given up on sex now because, he doesn't really want to make love anyone. Bless the lad. We got quite drunk, almost accidentally, after finishing almost two full bottles of Merlot. Still, the mood was relaxed and cosy, rather than hot and heavy.

I am starting to realise that perhaps this relationship, my marriage...it serves a different purpose to the one it used to. A long time ago, hubby and I gave each other everything we needed; security, intimacy, passion and loyalty. Now, although we are the best of friends, there isn't the same urgency around us.

It's not ideal. But I have invested so much time, money, love and effort in this relationship. I am not going to leave him.

I'm still waiting for James' correspodance. It's making me a bit edgy.

Monday, 15 December 2008

The butterflies...

So, after deliberating long and hard about joining the extra-marital dating site, I decided to put both feet in and go for it.

As soon as I joined I had hundreds of messages. It was quite overwhelming. I have a password on my photograph, so I thought it smacked of desperation that these men had only read a few paragraphs about me and were already snapping at my heels.

I was surprised that the majority of them were very eloquent and polite - not nearly the sort of come-over-to-my-place-and-I'll-have-you-over-the-mantelpiece-darlin kind of response I expected. One man shined out though. His name is James, he's 40. We have been emailing each other (I set up a separate account - want to minimize any risk of getting caught out). I await his next reply.

I guess I am a little giddy with that first flush feeling you get when you meet someone new. When my Gmail lights up with that promising (1), my stomach turns. It has been such a long time.