Monday, 27 April 2009

In response to MC...

James. Oh Jamesy James James.

Things are great with James. Our relationship has slotted nicely alongside my marriage. We see each other at set times and dates, and although it sound terribly dull, it's actually fantastic. The two relationships seems to have become one. I'm happy, James is happy, and Hubby is happy.

I don't know if anyone can identify with this, but it feels as if what James and Hubby give to me has created the perfect functional relationship. I'm sure most people would see this as greed, but now I don't know if I could return to the way things were before. This unorthodox method seems to have created a strangely normal situation.

Would love to here everyone's stories of how their 'illicit' relationships have helped bolster their marriages...

Love, Shell x

Wednesday, 22 April 2009


I could be getting almost 7k more for my job if I worked somewhere else. God bless Gumtree! You have opened my eyes!

Think it's time to ask for a raise.


Get off sodding page you nasty little scammers! No, I don't want any of your cheap viagra, for three reasons...

1) I try to avoid buying pharmaceuticals over the internet from companies which advertise by paying migrant workers 4 pence an hour to spam personal blogsites.
2) I try to avoid buying pharmaceuticals over the internet, full stop.
3) Despite the numerous letters to Father Christmas, I am still yet to own a penis.


In other news, I took the fantastic advice of the lovely Karen and tried to picture New Boy after a night out, dribbling kebab juice down himself with a semi. Needless to say, the image was certainly enough to deter me for at least a few days. I think soon I will need to start using more aggressive tactics to rid myself of my crush. Perhaps leaving my job...

...well I wanted to go anyway.

Hmmm. That might not actually be a bad idea. Maybe a change of pace will sort me out. Am going to have a flick through Gumtree to see what's available. Watch this space.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Help a girl out!

Ladies and gentlemen of my little blogosphere...

Help! My crush on New Boy is swiftly getting out of hand. We had a very tense moment just now in reprographics (basically a very small room with a photocopier), and I am failing dismally to keep my thoughts pure. I need tips on how to control myself (both physically and mentally). I genuinely don't want anything to happen, but as I'm sure some of you know, it isn't always that simple.

Why does this always feel like confession!??

Tuesday, 7 April 2009


Something very bizarre happened today.

New Boy, who, from my previous posts my regular readers will know is more than a bit of a yuppie, has, of recent weeks, been showing a little more interest in me than usual. His attentions have miraculously been deflected from Janine, our terrified typist, on to me, Michelle. Or, as I like to call my self now, Michelle, Extra-Marital Sexpot and World-Renowned Sexy Laydee. I think it's catchy.

Anyway. To be honest, I never really looked at New Boy before. He has always represented that sector of the business world I love to hate - the 30-something, financially-stable smug prick who thinks his BMW is a pussy-wagon and his degree from Manchester City actually worth something. Urgh. Today I decided to have a better look - out of curiosity really. He is not an entirely unattractive individual. He has a mole above his lip and a dimple in his right cheek which gives him this confused, lop-sided smile. The hair is pretty awful. The suits are equally as bad. He has a Spongebob Squarepants mug.

But he's sexy too. I mean, he has command of a room. Everyone listens to him when he speaks - even if they're overhearing some international phone call. Even me - I listen. Now I do anyway. And that's how I knew I had developed a little bit of a crush on our friend.

This worries me. Normally I have crushes on men with no balls. But New Boy has balls. If he found out about this little indiscretion I have a feeling I might try and take me roughly in the copy room.

I might like that.

But I have James.

And Hubby.

Could I take a third?

Not at the same time you understand...

My head hurts.