Have read all responses to my last post, here's my response.
First of all, thanks for reading and responding. It saddens me to think that any regular followers are feeling a disconnection from me, so I hope that I can begin to clear things up here.
Not, at any point, have I said having an affair was a good idea, or the 'nice' option. Cheating for me has now become the only way for me to keep things ticking over. This is of course sad. I don't expect it to work for everyone, in every situation, but my marriage as improved all round, and that is non-negotiable. I am not kidding myself that I will not be found out - I take every precaution I can in my everyday life, but I am not a fool, nor am I "naiive". As any regular readers will know, I have struggled with my decisions before now. It's not like I just upped and decided to go shag someone else. I stewed for 9 years.
I really resent the suggestion that my husband has become an 'ignorable' part of my life. Considering I see my lover maximum twice a month, contacting him a few times a week - and the fact that I decided mutually to end my previous relationship for fear that it would enshadow my marriage - this is far from the truth. I love my husband, and we spend the majority of our time together. This blog was intended for me to document my extramarital experiences, and to vent my feelings of frustration and loss, but please do not allow that to make you think that is all I feel for my husband.
In truth, I adore him. I hate that I can't use his name right now. He is kind and funny and well-read and empathic and incredibly grounded and, believe it or not, still very very attractive to me. I want and need to share my body with him, but he makes it clear to me that he is not interested physically.
In response to Matt, I really don't know how I would feel if I discovered he was cheating, simply because no one ever really knows. I think my first decision would be to sit down and talk about it. I can't imagine that it would feel anything other than horrible, though I believe my experiences up until now would help me to understand his reasoning a little better. To empathise more. In short, I care about him, and if he made a decision to start seeing someone behind my back, I would just want to listen to his reasons for doing so. I was cheated on before in the past, both in long-term relationships, and so can see this as the only appropriate response. Listen and try to understand.
I do appreciate that I am, by talking about my personal situation on national television, encouraging this kind of criticism, so, in hindsight, I realise my initial bloggetary response was a tad ridiculous. I think calling it a "tantrum" is surely exaggerated - I've just read it back and, though I'm angry, none of the points I make are vitriolic or badly-argued. Everyone, including me, has to remember that one never reads or interprets neutrally - our own beliefs and experiences penetrate until nothing is objective.
Just to clarify, I do not work for IE, though I do have quite a close relationship with Rosie, as she's been very supportive on a personal level since the blog was brought to her attention. I was not paid to go on This Morning, but Ro suggested it and I agreed. I was also wearing a wig in the show, and had my voice disguised. I haven't done any radio, so don't know where that came from.