Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Dumping for Dummies

I suck at dumping people.

James and I met yesterday after work. I told Hubby over the phone that I was going out with colleagues.

The plan was to take him somewhere unromantic, tell him in my softly, softly voice that maybe we should cool things, while making it clear to him that this was final and I didn't really want to see him 'like that' anymore.

Phase one of the plan failed immediately. After walking around the city trying to find somewhere that wasn't rammed (the weather was beautiful) we ended up at Butler and Crosby, sat on a balcony with a bottle of Granache and a sunset.

As if this wasn't a bad enough start, when we sat down James pulling out a little box from his bag and put it on the table. When I opened it there was this beautiful pearl necklace staring back at me. Guilt ensues. James looks expectant and I think I am going to cry, so manage an "It's lovely" before excusing myself to go to the toilet.

When I return his is still there with the same sweet look on his face. I want to put a gap between this moment and the planned dumping, so I ask James about work. Not good. Marriage isn't good either. "Things have been really difficult recently. She seems to be angry at me pretty much all the time - all the little things like ignoring the washing up and forgetting to recorded some program on TV. It's really getting me down". At this point I look at him and realise, yes, he does loom pretty unhappy. Unfamiliar bags have formed under his eyes, and he's looking skinnier than usual. My instinct is to grab hold of him and cradle him, but I hold back. He continues...

"I've really missed you recently. I thought that you might be cutting me off, but I know since you decided to meet with me you're not" (Shit, I think, was I supposed to do this by phone?) "But I just wanted you to know that I love you. In fact, I'm completely in love with you, and everything about you. At the moment, my marriage is so grim. It's really all about surviving, and you help me survive. You make me so happy."

Jaw inside my head drops. I was not expecting such an admission of affection. So, contrary to my plan, I do what any self-respecting rom-com addict would do. I swoon. Then I jump him.






Sorry Officer. I promise I won't do it again. :(

5 comments:

Alice said...

Ah yes, vulnerability, professions of love and a pearl necklace. A very heady mix...Don't feel too bad. We would all have done the same.

The world according to Gaz said...

I think you should have gone with your first thought and dumped him via phone. Text message might be even easier.
Not that i would ever do it that way

RicardoGallo said...

Just don't underestimate the total devastation this will cause your husband if he works out what's going on. What about his happiness? If you do actually love him, you might consider that he woud be happier with someone faithful - so maybe you should let him go so you can be free and he can be happy? It would be a shame from his point of view to spend his whole life with someone who cheating on him and is ready to risk causing him huge amounts of pain. Would he really choose that life if he had the option? You're basically forcing that on him. Whatever that is, it's not love.

Andrew said...

Hilarious thanks shelley your blog is a hoot! Laughed out loud - saturday 7am on paradise island and have to drive to face loony wife. :( This is an excellent please keep up the good work I aam in catch up

Andrew said...

Hilarious thanks shelley your blog is a hoot! Laughed out loud - saturday 7am on paradise island and have to drive to face loony wife. :( This is an excellent blog please keep up the good work I am in catch up