Unlike 'The Day After Tomorrow', which was a terrible excuse for a film, The Day After Valentine's was rather enjoyable, and thankfully not covered in 6 feet of snow.
Jake Gyllenhaal wouldn't have gone amiss though.
On Saturday, Hubby took me out for a textbook meal at the restaurant in town which we go to every year. I spent most of the night undressing the waiting staff with my eyes. I can't deny that since James was been in the picture, things between us have been a great deal calmer. We had a really lovely evening actually. Hubby is back to his 'old self' (he threw a half a breadroll at manger in protest to how obscenely stale they were - that is the man I know and love).
If Valentine's day was a little '7 Brides', the following evening was unashamedly '9 1/2 weeks'. James and I planned to go to dinner in central and take a romantic stroll along the river. This plan was violently scuppered by our inability to get out of bed. A gloriously wasted evening.
Janine received a Valentine's card over the weekend. With a poem! You should see her. It's anonymous but she keeps reading it again and again, expecting the sender's name to materialise. I do hope it wasn't New Boy who sent it.
In hindsight, New Boy is hardly Shakespeare. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he thought Shakespeare was another term for jousting. Or a euphemism for sex. The moron.
Monday, 16 February 2009
Friday, 13 February 2009
"Resession sex"
One of the smarmy New Boys in my office kept name dropping this phrase yesterday morning. He was leaning uncomfortably close to our new secretary, Janine, who looked both bemused and terrified, in the way only a woman who has emigrated alone to the UK in search of fortune and found herself, confusingly, typing out invoices for a struggling law firm can.
"You see, it's all boils down to sex, right? When one of these...these, like, national 'crises' happens, they're always like, 'So, how is this going to affect people's sex lives?'. Like, when wall street crashed in the 20's they kept talking about the effect it would have on the youth, who were all shagging around about then. Everyone wants to talk about it...everyone wants to do it" - New Boy shifts his weight and locks eyes with Janine. Janine flinches. "Recession sex - that's what it's about. People screwing because they're bored and broke" Janine turns her back and starts filing frantically "I'm bored and broke." More filing. "Maybe I should get myself self some...if you know what I mean". New Boy winks at the back of Janine's head, who is still filing blank paper.
Later on I hear New Boy discussing this exchange with Slightly More Established Boy. He made it sound like the aforementioned secretary was crawling round his ankles, salivating, with her phone number stapled to her forehead.
I think I may need to get out of here.
"You see, it's all boils down to sex, right? When one of these...these, like, national 'crises' happens, they're always like, 'So, how is this going to affect people's sex lives?'. Like, when wall street crashed in the 20's they kept talking about the effect it would have on the youth, who were all shagging around about then. Everyone wants to talk about it...everyone wants to do it" - New Boy shifts his weight and locks eyes with Janine. Janine flinches. "Recession sex - that's what it's about. People screwing because they're bored and broke" Janine turns her back and starts filing frantically "I'm bored and broke." More filing. "Maybe I should get myself self some...if you know what I mean". New Boy winks at the back of Janine's head, who is still filing blank paper.
Later on I hear New Boy discussing this exchange with Slightly More Established Boy. He made it sound like the aforementioned secretary was crawling round his ankles, salivating, with her phone number stapled to her forehead.
I think I may need to get out of here.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
High five!
Honestly, if they had a guy like this on the tube escalators every morning, I think the commute would be a little more bearable.
Actually, maybe not. Arms might get tired.
Actually, maybe not. Arms might get tired.
Real wives
So I had an email the other day from Rosie, who does press and PR for IE. I told her a while back about the blog and it seems she's been following it for a while. Get this - they want to feature it on the site! Crazy..
I said yes. Apparently, it's a good insight into how the site works and what kind of people use it. I guess it's also a demonstration of the fact that not everyone who dates on line is a totally loser. We're not all heathens, we're not all uncaring and heartless.
And she thinks I'm funny! Horrah! I have been waiting years to hear someone tell me that. What pressure! What if all these people logging on to read this are expecting Milligan or Clease. And they get Street-Porter. All bad hair and smug guffaw.
A guffaw sounds like some kind of exotic bird. Even more exotic if it's smug, I guess.
I said yes. Apparently, it's a good insight into how the site works and what kind of people use it. I guess it's also a demonstration of the fact that not everyone who dates on line is a totally loser. We're not all heathens, we're not all uncaring and heartless.
And she thinks I'm funny! Horrah! I have been waiting years to hear someone tell me that. What pressure! What if all these people logging on to read this are expecting Milligan or Clease. And they get Street-Porter. All bad hair and smug guffaw.
A guffaw sounds like some kind of exotic bird. Even more exotic if it's smug, I guess.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Literature...
I never knew there would be so much literature on adultery...
...I don't know why. I just didn't. But lo and behold...thousands of books...accounts, advice, justifications, even tips. God forbid Hubby should stumble upon my Amazon wish-list :)
The most interesting one, by far, is Mira Kirschenbaum's 'When Good People Have Affairs'. It's widely recognised as being a decent, relatively-unbiased guide for people trying to understand the reasons for their partner's infidelity (although some partners leave less-than-informed, see angry review from scorned wife on Amazon). Obviosuly, a book seemingly justifying the idea of having an affair is going to receieve a backlash, but it's actually very good. I found out about it when I heard an interview on the radio the other day with an IllicitEncounters representative - she took a statistic from the book that almost shocked me - 60% of married men and 40% of married women will, at some point, engage in extra-marital sex.
Seems I'm not alone after all.
It's funny, since I've joined I keep seeing the website everywhere. I don't think they advertise (how could they???) but they have a lot of PR in magazines and papers. I genuinely think it's growing. I can't say I'm surprised. On every street in every town there seems to be a down-trodden wife or a neglected husband. Maybe, when you're on my side of the fence, you can see it more clearly.
So, anyway - the second book, The Handbook for the Other Woman, is fantastic. I bought it last week on a whim. Hilarious, but most importantly, light-hearted, it's not everyone's cup of tea. It puts the subject in an odd light, and you can't take it seriously at all, but right now, that's what I'm looking to read. Human beings are ridiculous - it feels good to laugh at myself and my crazy situation.
James and I haven't been in contact for a few days. I'm getting that I-wonder-if-he's-texted-I'll-just-check-oh-no-he-hasn't-well-maybe-he's-busy-or-maybe-I-missed-his-call-is-my-phone-on-silent? feeling. That's the funny thing about modern technology. It's suposed to make contact easier, but the truth is, the more ways there are for someone to contact, the more contact you need. We wrap ourselves in man-made constraints. Maybe I should suggest we write Lady-Chaterly-esque letters to one another?
Maybe not.
...I don't know why. I just didn't. But lo and behold...thousands of books...accounts, advice, justifications, even tips. God forbid Hubby should stumble upon my Amazon wish-list :)
The most interesting one, by far, is Mira Kirschenbaum's 'When Good People Have Affairs'. It's widely recognised as being a decent, relatively-unbiased guide for people trying to understand the reasons for their partner's infidelity (although some partners leave less-than-informed, see angry review from scorned wife on Amazon). Obviosuly, a book seemingly justifying the idea of having an affair is going to receieve a backlash, but it's actually very good. I found out about it when I heard an interview on the radio the other day with an IllicitEncounters representative - she took a statistic from the book that almost shocked me - 60% of married men and 40% of married women will, at some point, engage in extra-marital sex.
Seems I'm not alone after all.
It's funny, since I've joined I keep seeing the website everywhere. I don't think they advertise (how could they???) but they have a lot of PR in magazines and papers. I genuinely think it's growing. I can't say I'm surprised. On every street in every town there seems to be a down-trodden wife or a neglected husband. Maybe, when you're on my side of the fence, you can see it more clearly.
So, anyway - the second book, The Handbook for the Other Woman, is fantastic. I bought it last week on a whim. Hilarious, but most importantly, light-hearted, it's not everyone's cup of tea. It puts the subject in an odd light, and you can't take it seriously at all, but right now, that's what I'm looking to read. Human beings are ridiculous - it feels good to laugh at myself and my crazy situation.
James and I haven't been in contact for a few days. I'm getting that I-wonder-if-he's-texted-I'll-just-check-oh-no-he-hasn't-well-maybe-he's-busy-or-maybe-I-missed-his-call-is-my-phone-on-silent? feeling. That's the funny thing about modern technology. It's suposed to make contact easier, but the truth is, the more ways there are for someone to contact, the more contact you need. We wrap ourselves in man-made constraints. Maybe I should suggest we write Lady-Chaterly-esque letters to one another?
Maybe not.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Glowing
I think I am. Hubby has noticed. Rather than rousing suspicion it seems to have inspired some attraction in him. When I left the house yesterday to go for coffee with a friend he wouldn't let me leave, pull at my blouse and kissing me. Crazy that after so many years, he is becoming interested. Too little too late, I fear.
When I said friend, I meant James. And when I said coffee, I meant coffee, in a hotel lobby, followed by something a little more...steamy. The sex is breathtaking. I don't want to divulge the vulgar details, but I will again say that I never imagined in 100 years that I would be having this much fun between the sheets. It's a shame that I have to have it with someone other than my husband, but it seems, for now, that this is the only way for me to stay satisfied.
I am still being messaged on IE all the time. I check back everyday - it's a good confidence boost, although I'm not really up for seeing guys while I'm with James.
He's just texted me. It's terrible - we're like young lovers. I am fixated with this little gadget in my hand, waiting for it to light up and tell me he's thinking of me. I am such a sodding GIRL.
When I said friend, I meant James. And when I said coffee, I meant coffee, in a hotel lobby, followed by something a little more...steamy. The sex is breathtaking. I don't want to divulge the vulgar details, but I will again say that I never imagined in 100 years that I would be having this much fun between the sheets. It's a shame that I have to have it with someone other than my husband, but it seems, for now, that this is the only way for me to stay satisfied.
I am still being messaged on IE all the time. I check back everyday - it's a good confidence boost, although I'm not really up for seeing guys while I'm with James.
He's just texted me. It's terrible - we're like young lovers. I am fixated with this little gadget in my hand, waiting for it to light up and tell me he's thinking of me. I am such a sodding GIRL.
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Addicted...
Naughty Shelly...
I am struggling to keep my tired eyes open. Last night I ended up staying awake until 2am, pursuing profiles on IllicitEncounters. Although things with myself and James are taking off, I'm still drawn back when I get the cheeky little messages in my inbox.
It's funny - everyone else seems to know how to go about it. The mails are so well written, they know exactly what to say, they have great 'opening lines'. I feel like such a noob (I know, I know...I heard one our interns using the term yesterday...I am truly "down with the kids"). I misspelled 'romance' last week, which surely made me look like a desirable intellectual.
I can see it now - "Adultery; The Beginners Guide."
Genuis!
I am struggling to keep my tired eyes open. Last night I ended up staying awake until 2am, pursuing profiles on IllicitEncounters. Although things with myself and James are taking off, I'm still drawn back when I get the cheeky little messages in my inbox.
It's funny - everyone else seems to know how to go about it. The mails are so well written, they know exactly what to say, they have great 'opening lines'. I feel like such a noob (I know, I know...I heard one our interns using the term yesterday...I am truly "down with the kids"). I misspelled 'romance' last week, which surely made me look like a desirable intellectual.
I can see it now - "Adultery; The Beginners Guide."
Genuis!
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